This is Mylo. He is the first child I carried to term without putting drugs or alcohol in my body. It was years into my sobriety when I became pregnant, and I was furious. I had plans! I had dreams! And now, another baby?! I have to start all over?!
Sometimes we cannot see the forest for the trees. When I had Mylo, he almost died. There came a time I had to wrestle with God in the chapel of that hospital.
My life changed FOREVER in that chapel that day. I realized God may take my baby. And there was NOTHING I could do about it. My son being alive was not a question of God's power. He can do anything. It is about His sovereignty. It is not for me to decide whether my children live or die. It wasn't about me. I had to surrender the ultimate thing. Some of you know that pain. I had to surrender my child. So I said the thing my heart was afraid to say:
"Ok. If you have to take my baby, I trust you. I need you to help me thru this though."
I am not immune to the loss of a child. No one is. The next day, I watched my baby be loaded on a helicopter and flown to Oklahoma City. They could no longer help him in Tulsa. He had to go there or he would not survive.
In OKC, he began to improve. And he kept improving. And God was there the whole time with me. Whether I had Mylo or not. He would've been there with me. And then I brought that baby home.
In that child I received two things I never knew I needed, but God knew. And He knew it would be painful. And I would need Him...desperately. In those lessons I received these gifts in life:
1) I carried a baby totally sober. This is the only child that never saw me anything other than sober. THAT IS A GIFT I DIDN'T KNOW I NEEDED.
2) He taught me that His will means more than just my desires. He taught me that I am a steward of my children, but their lives are His, not mine. I am still this baby's mother. Steward his life even in death. And be GRATEFUL you were chosen for that role.
Whatever will be, WILL be. The way you move through it, what you do with it, who you help with it....makes all the difference. Tell your story.